Endless Mirage

Originally written 10.22.17 @ 1pm

sonder: The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.

When walking along the sidewalk I observe others on their way to elsewhere, causing me to experience an overwhelming feeling that I can not pin down with a thought or two. I question where they may be going, what troubles may be on their mind, and always wonder what it must be like to live “normally” with out the thought of a high on the brink of each passing thought. But, I never wonder what their name is… Then, I often find myself curious if they notice me as they drive or pass by; if they recognize the mess of my appearance, the ninety pounds with knots in her hair and dressed up in old torn flannels. As they pass by do they wonder what it is like to walk through my life? Does it cross their minds as to what it must be like to find themselves immersed in a cement-pedaling rat race and stuck chasing an artificial feeling, or a way to escape a self-inflicted reality? Are they gazing back at me with the same curiousity I am watching them with or am I invisible to their daily routine? I know I have crossed paths with many others, and have plenty of experiences stored in my mind to help create who I am now yet, I can not put to words how the thought of a stranger’s existence puzzles and impacts me. Their acquantances and experiences, their purpose and their strive, all of their memories and array of lessons learned. It is similar to when you are gazing at the night sky and you truely feel how small your being is, how powerless you are. You experience some sort of awe or wonderment in its complexity, maybe it is a sliver of helplessness that you have a difficult time describing in words. But, you feel it. For a moment you feel some sort of connection as an observer, a witness, forgetting you are still incorporated in the very moment you are complexed over. This is how the society around me, the strangers in my view, tend to make me feel.