Every Shadow Thrives on Light

Originally written 9.7.17 @ 8:50am

Nostalgia usually does much more harm than good. Music is one of the strongest connections to my past. What hurts me is that I tend to recall every detail of the excitement and the good, repressing the entire struggle and the bad. Reminisce about the euphoria, suppress the trauma. Strange what desire make foolish people do. It all relates back to perception. How I choose to perceive my experiences effects how I remember them. So, of course if I am not ready to turn my back on the false euphoria and the false warmth I fell in love with than every moment I remember will be that of desire, yearning and love. But, I reached my breaking point. I no longer desire that shaded truth I created in my mind. Now, I look behind me at those same moments and I see pain, struggle, and emptiness. The truth I create at any given moment depends on how I desire to recall past experiences. A single song can bring my body back to that desire fueled feeling. Bring me back to that chase. Nostalgia has a tendency to only bring above the surface what we pick and choose. Desire can act as both a virtue and a vice, depending on the being encompassing it. It may either drive you towards better, purer experiences or it may anchor you to a false perception of a dark and deserted under world in the deepest depths of mind. Depths where light struggles to cast its shadow. Desire is one emotion with two sides, two intents. Sometimes my light struggles to out shine my dark.

“What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you…
The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do” – Chris Isaak