Delusion

Originally written 8.15.16

That heavy feeling overcomes me; it leaves me yearning for the sunrise.

That heavy feeling fills me with concrete; I see life as if it lacks the thrill of surprise.

That heavy feeling seems to embrace my being, using all of its force to engulf my mind.

That heavy feeling relates to my needs, it knows me well and swears not to leave me behind.

That heavy feeling begins to seem familiar; it takes notice of my insecurities and wraps its arms around my body.

That heavy feeling slowly shuts me down; it allows me to feel content, numb and lucky.

That heavy feeling soon turns from foe to friend, it smiles as it lights a fire in my soul.

That heavy feeling discreetly manipulates me, allowing the embers to burn as slow as coal.

That heavy feeling tricks me into embracing it, into needing it, into surviving for it.

That heavy feeling becomes a need on the sly, even though its treachery gives the illusion I am alive.

But, I have no confusion that there is a heavy loneliness when my mind, body, and soul is lacking its quick wit.

If it walked out on me tomorrow there is no doubt that I would drastically miss it; its understanding, its compassion and its strength will be grieved.

Without that heavy feeling my true self: mind, body and soul will feel as if it cannot be achieved.